the evolution of vigilante girl code on tiktok
the girls know more than the FBI i stg
Tbt to when girl code simply meant not dating your friend’s ex. Welcome to the new era of vigilante girl code on TikTok (and other social platforms), where the fast-traveling, hyper-targeted algorithm of modern technology meets the timeless truth of men being dogs (NOT ALL MEN, BUT JUST BEAR WITH ME FOR THIS LIL BREAKDOWN…). Women are banding together in creative, cunning, and what some would consider batshit crazy ways to protect themselves and others from heartbreak caused by cheaters.
When I first saw some of these TikToks, I started collecting them to see if they were fleeting trends or if they’d become evergreen behaviors. Of course, they’ve turned into a lasting discourse and methodology. As long as guys cheat, women will unfortunately have to f around and find out. These social media quests for truth are a new form of female solidarity, transforming isolated experiences of betrayal into a never before seen act of collective justice and empowerment.
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One of the most common methods of this evolved girl code on TikTok is an extension of the regionalized Facebook group phenomenon “Are We Dating the Same Guy?” It involves women posting videos exposing men who are talking disparagingly about their partners or being spotted with other women. These posts often include specific details like names and locations, with captions such as “If your man is named X and you live in Y, he's saying Z about you” or “If you live in Y and your husband is X, he's out on a date at Z location.” The goal for these videos is to let the algorithm amplify the message so the intended audience can be reached. Comments floooood in from people across various cities, saying how close the information is getting to its target, with comments like “It's made it to X city!”
My personal fave is a method called “The Loyalty Test.” Basically, women hire others to message their significant others to test their tendency for infidelity. To initiate these tests, typically, a woman slides into another woman’s DMs, and the one performing the test charges a small fee (legit $1-$3). The results? Priceless. Women are often heartbroken to discover that their partners fail these tests, but the process also brings a sense of control and clarity. But sometimes, the men pass it! And it’s a big win when they do. These types of Loyalty Test TikToks are met with a lot of praise and pride.
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A related piece of language to the above is an almost meme-worthy moment… The “hey girly” message. When women get this, they brace themselves for the worst regarding their men. The paranoia of that received message has even become parody lately. But for real, if you get those lone two words as an intro to a DM, may God be with you.
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A new tactic that’s popped up centers around when a woman finds herself unknowingly entangled with a man who already has a partner… This is what we’ll call “evidence leaving.” Women are leaving clues that men would usually not notice, such as part of a faux eyelash or nail extension, for the primary woman to find. One TikTok user pulled down her husband’s car sun blocker only to find a fake eyelash left behind by another woman, with a photo of the couple attached. The video’s caption? “To the girl that left an eyelash in my husband’s car, thank you.” The comments section exploded with approval, with women sharing their own stories of leaving behind bobby pins or jewelry to warn others about their presence and their unfaithful man.
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With modern technology and living in a world where trust is a rare commodity, women now go out of their way to find the truth by ANY means necessary. A recent TikTok became an open forum for women to share the wildest ways they’ve investigated men. One woman shared how she enlisted someone in another state to drive past a guy’s house, while another commented that she monitored his blocked contacts to see if the order changed, noting if someone had been blocked or unblocked. This forum is more than info dumping… it’s a place of validation, where your insanity is accepted and relatable. The methods women use are so savvy that they are almost résumé worthy.
Personally, I’m all for this era of great measures to see what your man is up to. According to data, men are more likely to cheat than women overall. (Sadly, the data doesn’t give women a squeaky-clean record either…) However, I want to call out a red flag with all of this. The privacy breaking, the misuse of accessible data, the potential for doxing, and more all have a lot of moral implications. I’m not qualified to unpack those, but I want to note that there’s a gray area in the ethics going on here. This is ironic since the Bible considers cheating an official sin: “You shall not commit adultery,” as stated in Exodus 20:14.
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No matter where you stand in it all, this is a movement. A collective push for accountability. Women are using the tools at their disposal—social media, digital sleuthing, and ya, a bit of pettiness—to support each other. It shows that in a world where men might break hearts, the gurlies will always have each other’s backs, because the truth will always set you freeeeeee.
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xoxo, stay loca! 🤪